Me: mom, dad, this is my girlfriend Eve
Mom: the fuck I thought you had a boyfriend
Dad: the Bible said Adam and Eve, not gay is okay
Me: wait for my surprise
Mom: another one
Dad: what surprise
*a guy walks in*
Me: this is my boyfriend Adam
Me: do you get it, Adam and Eve hahaha, Adam and Eve
Me: but the Bible said
nothing is impossible when the pirates of the caribbean theme plays in the background
now why is platonic cuddling so frowned upon in society fuck you man if i wanna cuddle my bff i will fucking cuddle my bff youll need a fucking crowbar to pry me off you son of a bitch
At my age, do you know how I’m statistically most likely to die?
At the hands of your teammate?
That’s how I’m going to make it look.
Here’s to the people who talk others out of suicide but can’t do the same for themselves. Here’s to the people who constantly tell people they are beautiful, and wonderful just because they don’t want others to feel the way they do. Here’s to the ones who don’t get told this enough, I love you.